Supporting storytelling

These are some of the barriers to telling a story, all of which I've seen in projects where people were asked to tell stories.

• You can't possibly want to know about my experiences. (low confidence)
• I'm not about to tell you the real truth. (private topic, untrusting group)
• It's been so long, I don't remember details. (long duration)
• You want some sort of performance, right? (succeeding)
• Hey, I can say anything I want here. (venting, complaining)

I won't explain these in detail because they are covered in the Knowing your storytellers section (because knowing your storytellers is the best way to find out what barriers you can expect to find) and you should be able to match these up with the characteristics described there.

Helping people turn statements into stories

These are some of the sorts of half-stories you sometimes get and some things you can do to turn them into stories.

• Opinion: I don't think the cafeteria service is as good as it used to be. The people are rude. Response: Can you give me any examples of things that happened?
• Scenario: When you go to the cafeteria you feel like they don't want you there. Response: Can you tell me about any times when that happened?
• Situation: One guy at the cafeteria has been rude to me. Response: Can you tell me what happened?
• Reference: Well you probably heard what happened down at the cafeteria yesterday. Response: No, can you tell me what happened? (Or: Yes, but can you tell me what you think happened?)
• Story: Yesterday I was at the cafeteria and I asked for something special and the guy practically threw the food at me! I was going to talk to his superior, but you know, then I saw how unhappy he was and I thought, no he's not rude he's just overworked. I mean those guys are there all day every day and nobody gives them any respect, and so today I decided I will give them a big smile and see if that helps. We'll see. Response: That's very interesting. (And then the interview can move on.)

Of course, some people won't tell stories no matter how much you help them, so you have to know when to stop trying and move on. But most people, when given a few hints such as these, will start telling more stories as the session goes on. You can use the responses either in person (in an interview or group session) or beforehand (by writing them in to survey questions).

Vulnerable moments

If you are talking to people face to face or over the phone, whether individually or in a group, you can notice and support three particularly vulnerable moments when people are telling stories. Helping people get over these hurdles can improve the output of storytelling sessions, both in the volume and the quality of stories.

Point of vulnerability: start

In the turn-taking dance that is a conversation, telling a story is a performance that can only take place if both parties allow it to happen, because telling a story requires that a person hold the floor for an extended period of time. Did you ever hear someone start to tell a story and then hear someone else interrupt them - and see the look of disappointment on the face of the storyteller? Or hear someone tell a story and then hear a pause that makes it obvious the other person was not really listening but waiting for them to be done so they could speak? Because telling a story is taking a risk in terms of conversational give and take, people can be reluctant to do it even if you say you want them to.

People ask permission to take the floor and tell stories in fairly standard ways, whether they are talking to one person or to a group. Some of the ways people ask to tell a story are by referring to:

• a time ("one day")
• a memory ("I remember when")
• an experience ("I had a job like that")
• an action ("I went out")
• an event ("I talked to him")
• a place ("That park used to be")
• a person "(He used to")
• a rumor ("I heard that")

Often people will say one of these story-starting statements and then pause to see if people are going to listen to their performance (in effect, to find out whether they have the floor). If other people respond they go ahead; otherwise they stop. If you happen to be one of the people responding you can recognize these statements for what they are and nudge the storytelling to happen, by just looking at them in a listening sort of way, or if that doesn't work, by saying "Uh-huh?" or "What happened?" or "I'd like to hear about it" or some such thing.

In the case of asynchronous (not face-to-face) storytelling, you can help people get over the obstacle of starting to tell the story by being very encouraging in the questions you ask and in the statements you make about how useful the stories will be to your project goals. Making it clear to people that you need the insights only they can provide will help them to open up.

Point of vulnerability: crux

In every story there is a point where the storyteller reaches a peak of emotion, where their voice rises, their body language becomes more expansive, and they look more at the people listening to them. They are looking to see if people are giving their story the attention it merits so they can continue.

When you see that, you can know two things: first, that this is why the storyteller is telling the story, and second, that they need your support. At this moment the storyteller needs his or her audience to pay attention. If you are conducting an individual interview, you can just lean in and look at the storyteller so that they know you are listening. If they are telling the story in a group of which you are a part, you can't make anybody else listen but you can make sure the storyteller knows that you at least are attending.

Point of vulnerability: finish

Once a person has told a story, they often feel vulnerable and will try to save face by:

• summarizing their story ("And so you see he never went back")
• justifying it ("And that was how I learned not to trust that man")
• referring to an authority figure ("My boss thought that was a good story")
• asking for approval ("Can you believe that")

If you are talking to people in person, it's a good idea, in the pause just after they finish a story, to say something. Some types of useful reinforcing statements are:

• appreciative - "Wow"; "That's interesting"; "I never heard that before"; "Fascinating"; "That's worth remembering"
• summarizing - "So they caught the guy, huh?", "So you left the zoo, huh?"; "So you wrote that letter, huh?"
• questioning - "Did you ever see that dog again?"; "Does it seem different years later?"
• grateful - "Thanks for sharing that"; "Thanks for talking about that"

Note on the last type (grateful) that it's not a good idea to thank people for the story (i.e., "Thanks for that story"), because the "a story is a possession" mindset creeps in and people can close down. But you do need to give people something to go on, some kind of positive response, because otherwise they may not venture forth out of the safety of silence again. I have seen people's faces fall after they have told a story and got no response. Often it's the second or third story people tell that is the most useful (partly because they start to understand what you want to know, and partly because they feel safe enough to tell about deeper things), so it's important to help them get over the point of vulnerability found at the end of the first story they tell.

If you are asking for stories through writing, as silly as it seems, it's okay to put a line that says "That's interesting" or some such thing at the bottom of web form or email. You can also put something less silly but still to the point like "We appreciate your help very much" at the end of the form. It serves the same purpose.

Restarting stalled storytelling

Often storytelling in a group session starts out well enough with the questions you ask, but the group stalls when it seems like all the stories have been told. Usually at this point there are more (and possibly more useful) truths the session can reveal, but the people need some help expanding the dialogue. These are some techniques I've seen work to get people going:

• Ask people to think about whether a told story just told reminds them of anything - anything at all - and see where that leads. Or, contribute your own reminding and see if that provokes any memories from the group. The reminding can proceed from any of the story elements - characters, behaviors, feelings, events, settings, conclusions, challenges, and so on. For example you might say "Does that plant manager remind anybody of anyone else they know?"
• After a story has been told, ask about alternatives that could have happened. For example, if the story ended with a project succeeding, you could ask what could have made the project fail. This can remind people of other similar stories (e.g., when other projects failed, when the thing that could have made that project fail happened, and so on).
• After a story has been told, think of something you can change about it - like who it happened to, or where or when it happened, or who told it. Ask people to think about what might have happened if the story was retold that way. It can even be helpful to talk about things that couldn't possibly happen, just to get people to expand their thinking into new areas. For example, if someone just told a story about storming out of a town meeting after feeling that nobody was listening to their input, you might say "I wonder what would have happened if you had been in charge of the meeting" or "I wonder how that would have played out if the meeting had been on a desert island" or "I wonder how that story might have sounded if it was told by the guy sitting next to you."
• If people are telling only the safest stories and you don't feel that they are reaching their true feelings, you can gently push things to the extremes by asking people for more of whatever they are talking about, in whatever direction the storytelling is timidly heading. For example, if someone has just told a story that hints at not being trusted - perhaps they were irked at not being allowed to fill the water cooler themselves - you can say something like "Anything worse than that?" or "Anybody experience anything worse?" or even "Can anybody top that one?" What this does is two things: first, it communicates to people that it's okay to move to the extremes, and second, it taps into the universal urge to compare ourselves to others and try to do as well as they have done or better. This may urge people to go further than they would have in opening up an area they were reluctant to talk about. However, be a bit careful with this one: it can bring out performances instead of honest reflections as people try to "win the game" by "going one better".

More tips

Here are some scattered things from my experience.

• Be patient. It can take time to get started telling stories. I've seen both interviews and group sessions where most of the good stories came in the last quarter of the time. That's fine, as long as it happens.
• Don't let silence bother you. Sometimes it means people are about to come out with something important. Wait it out, at least for a while, and don't jump to fill up every lull.
• Expect some people not to get the point of what you are doing or attack your methods. In every group session or batch of interviews there is always going to be one nay-sayer who thinks what you are doing is stupid. Sometimes people will even walk out of the interview or group session. You have to develop a tough skin about it.
• Consider gifting. Sometimes giving people an unexpected gift creates a temporary window of social obligation that helps them open up to you. For example, you might have donuts in a group session, or you might open an interview by giving them a voucher for a free cup of coffee, or you might start a web survey by giving them a small online gift certificate. In one set of group sessions a colleague and I ran years ago, we handed out tiny flashlights with the company logo on them, and the room was abuzz with pleasant surprise. The gifting has to be unexpected, otherwise it doesn't produce the result, and yes it's a bit of a trick, but it's a nice friendly trick. It sends the message that you appreciate the fact that people are contributing their time (as you do) and you want them to know it. I've seen it turn a room full of curmudgeons into a lively storytelling group.
• Avoid telling stories or giving examples. You can make brief references to things that will help other people think of stories, but if you tell whole stories yourself some people will think they need to do exactly what you did and will not talk honestly about their own experiences.
• Don't give people a long lecture about what a story is, because they will try to make perfect stories for you. People don't need to know anything about stories to tell them. You may need to tell them why you want stories, but you do not need to define what a story is. If people really press you for an explanation, say "just talk about things that happened" or some other short answer.
• Create a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you give people the impression that they will need to do something special or different, you will be less likely to get at their true feelings. So, just tell them that when people talk stories naturally arise; and they will.

These tips apply to group sessions.

• Watch out for dominators. Some people, because they are in a position of authority or they have a lot of natural ebullience, will tell more stories than others. I've seen sessions where ten people watched and whispered as the group leader told every single story and answered every single question. In such a situation there are more and less subtle responses you can make. You can ask questions at the people who are not telling stories (i.e., look at them when you ask) and avoid looking at the dominators; that is the subtle response. The less subtle response is to ask the dominating people to come to a special session or grant a special interview where their very important viewpoints can be given the careful attention they deserve (of course never revealing that you mainly need them out of the way so the other people can talk freely).
• Have more than one facilitator if at all possible. By doing this you can either rotate your presence (to avoid getting stressed out or narrow-minded), or you can attend to different aspects of the session (for example, one person handling the technology and one the people, or one talking and one observing, and so on). Talk about how to best use your skills if they are complementary.